random rantings

i cant study!
omg my heart and sole is just not in the chem books today

chatting with esther now
teehees
yes my life is not all perfect
im going through too much
im only 16 for goodness sake!
and i've thought alot of this the past few weeks
esther is the first person i told
pretty weird isnt it?
well, we are friends after all despite the past =DD

seriously, at my age, i shouldent have to worry this much about sooo many things
but i DO care abt my future!
after growing up as a "princess"
i cant live like an AVERAGE life
i sound snobbish
bt i do worry about things like this

i can only be "lao ban de nu er" for at most 2 more years
then i'll be poor lil average 18 year old =x

but that is the LEAST of my worries
bet you all dont know about the other more complex things that are going through my head

esther knows tho
go ask her =x

all i know is
i realise im young and shouldent rush too much into certaint things
i still want to enjoy my youth
and theres sooo many things i want to do
soo many mistakes yet to make
soo many lessons yet to learn

but will all this
risk my future happyness?
will my enjoyment lead to loosing something eles?
will i make mistakes that i will regrette forever?
will i learn my lesson when it is far too late?

all these questions going through my head
and i have never been more confused in my life