You know you truly love somebody when they hurt you so badly, but all you can think about it is the times when they made you smile.

True love is not being with someone because you think you can be happy with that person, but because without that person you know you can never be.

True love is when the only thing that makes you cry is seeing the one you care about unhappy.

Read this from Nicole Chen's blog. and it nearly brought tears to my eyes because its soo true!

the Write a letter to Nicole competition

fill in the blanks and send it to me through comments/ e-mail
nt_angel@hotmaill.com

I'll put up all my favourite ones here with your name and URL
and I will choose the winner end of next week =)

Dear Nicole,
I ____ you.
You have a nice ______.
You make me _______.
You should _______.
Someday I will ______.
You + me = ________.
If I saw you now I'd __________.
I want to ________ you.
I would build a _______ just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We could __________ under the stars.
Love,
_______________

(P.S. ______________.)

Here are the first 2 to give you some inspiration
first one by my bestie,

Dear Nicole,
I hate you.
You have a nice ass
You make me go lala...
You should kill urself.
Someday I will keeeel u.
You + me = besties fo sho mo fo.
If I saw you now I'd SCREAM!
I want to "eh nicole"* hit shoulder* you.
I would build a shelter just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be prob the song i hate.
We could bonfire under the stars.
Love,
cracker

(P.S. lets gossip bout *****)

Second one by sean =)

Dear Nicole,
I heart you.
You have a nice smile.
You should always love your younger brother no matter what:P
Someday I will be able to lift you up with a single finger.
You + me = cover page material.
If I saw you now I'd hug ya...
I want to meet you.
I would build a mansion on an island on the meditareanean of italy with the best pasta chef in the world just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be heaven by Bryan Adams
We could camp with your new sleeping bag under the stars.
Love,
Sean Repton Warr

(P.S. Friday the 13th Thursday the 12th)& hope this aint too mushy


hahaha sweetest boyfriend ever =p
jealous much ?

Good morning

so sick of love songs
so tired of tears
so done with wishing you were still here

I know my blog has been boring recently
bear with me.. hahah

yay today is the 15th day of CNY
and ive been told that im pretty superstitious
when it comes to gambling or anything that has to do with money.. LOL

So I ALWAYS wait til the 15th day of CNY
to open all my hong paos and count my money
hehe

sometimes I will peek at how much tt person give me
but only after the 15th day that I remove the money from the red packets
heehee

and whilst gambling, I NEVER count my money.. haha
only after then I count.. heee..

I guess this year I got quite alot of hong paos..
BIGGEST one this year is from Daddy Dearest ( duh ) and Jojo !

shant reveal the amount.. haha

Oh yes my new video shall me up soon
Ive learnt to play " one step at a time" by Jordan sparks.. hahah

and and and Ive finished New Moon!
Edward your excuses are stupid, but I forgive you
hahaha..

I guess thats how it always is right?
no matter how much someone hurts you, you'd still end up forgiving them
its not easy hating someone
infact its tiring and frustrating
so why not, just forgive and forget?
as hard as that may be

yesterday I dreamt about him again
but ive grown immune to it
sigh ~

I wish Vampires exist!
I wish I was a vampire!
Vampire lovers can be together FOREVER ... for ETERNITY
because they are imortal
they'll remain forever young, together, never spending a single moment apart

also!
they are RICH
because they are imortal, they have all the youth and time in the world to earn money

they are STRONG
SWIFT
and they can steal a yellow Porsche !!
OMG
hahaha.. ( Alice )

they are BEAUTIFUL and FLAWLESS

hence they are not real.. ahha
one can steal dream
P.S only those who are familiar with Twilight and New moon would know what im talking about =p

feelings

UPDATED 5/02/09

It hurt me slightly
but now I just take it all lightly

its your loss not mine
I guess before I met you I was doing just fine

life was better with you
but I knew it was too good to be true
maybe it was just the thrill of meeting someone new

I guess you like that feeling too
thats why you keept doing what you do

dont get me wrong, i aint complaining
It was my fault to let myself keep falling

If i turn around, i aint going back
I deserve better, and thats a fact

I miss you.. be happy

3 words, 8 letters, say it, mean it, and im yours..

❤ my poem ❤

this seams too good to be true
have I finally found what I have been looking for ?
a few weeks ago you were still someone new
and now i find myself helplessly falling more and more for you

I thought we were friends and nothing more
I was begining to believe that being in love was a chore
there is this strong attraction that I cannot fight
though i'd resist with all my might ,
I'd still find myself wanting to be with you all day, all night

you are like a drug
and i confess, im hooked

you lips, your face, your eyes
just one look and you've gotten me mesmerised

i'd treasure and remember every moment we spent together
the fun, the laughs, the excitement, and your tender kisses
all the memories i'd keep with me forever

I wont expect too much
as I know i will be miles away
but I'll still be thinking of you everyday

and perhaps some how some way
we would end up together one day

p.s/ im getting better at this rhyming thing arnt I ?

gosh im so romantic, if I was a guy id fall in love with myself =x

it seams like it was just yesterday
how fast did things change
before i knew it, you walked away

didnt know what to do
but slowly i got through

our love was an illusion
you were just overcomed with confusion
i was living in delusion
but still it was I who camed out with the conclusion

Wo zai xing fu de men wai
Que yi zhi dou jin bu lai

I’m standing outside the door of happiness But haven’t been able to enter inside

Its a picture perfect day

stayed home with my lil cousin while everyone went out today
only left my house at like 1.30
and waited for Jeff and Hazel at far east for AGES

actually I kinda got lost
cause i could not find the freaking underpass
I felt like screaming " where the fuck is the underpass!!! "

atfer that we went to DFS
I saw 2 bags im interested in
Burberry and Gucci

Burberry $900
Gucci $1 200 +

I really like the Gucci one
hopefully, i can pull some strings and get some discount

saw a whole lot of jap boys there
Jeff kept saying Hi to them
and I waved
LOL

according to Hazel I attacted alot of their attention
and thats when me and jeff's nonsense started
lmao!

Either im too irrisistable
or they thought I wasnt wearing pants
lmao !
just because my top is abit long and shorts is abit short

some aunties were like gossiping abt me
hahahaha

walked for ages
and then Fabian come
so took him for another round

he is super cao beh
as long as he is around everyone dissapear LOL

After that went to meet zhe at 6 plus
OMG
waited for him for so long

and I did something very stupid =x
which I shant mention here.. ahahhaa
curious?
come ask me then =p

but I realised my mistake 5 mins into waiting for him to come
but I was too lazy to mend it sooo.. hahaha

after that finally saw him
heehee
he is like increased in size since the last time I saw him

and much hasnt changed
he is still self obsessed.. LOL
" Nicole! Look at my Biceps.. Nicole! Look at my triceps "

Had dinner as Mos Burger
and then went back to his house
heehee

Aiseh.. he can lift me with one arm seee...

LOL

And yes this is my Italy tank top

lalalalas

left at 10 plus

saw Zhe's mummy.. haha

shes nice =DD

we were damm lucky as when we got downstairs a cab was already waiting for me

wheeee

Fabian and Jeff are at the mixed age party now

Me and Zhe were actually contemplating to go and disturb

LOL

but didnt in the end

okay I shall wait for those fugly sluts to send me the pics taken from Fabian's Nikon today

and then I shall share them with you guys =DD

Its party time

Exams are overrrr
whooooo

now I can concentrate on counting down to
GO BACK TO SINGAPORE =D

yesterday couldent sleep so I talked to zhe
haha
I miss him so much

I cant believe 1 year has passed
It seams like just yesterday when I told him that i'd be back in just 11 months
and we watched one last movie together
Alien VS predator III
I'll remember, because I was bored to tears
haha

and it seams like it was just yesterday when it was new years eve
and zhe was sick so we could not spend new years eve together
so it was just the 3 lonely depressed singles
me Jeffrey and Eddie



so much has changed in one year
but somethings will always remain the same =)

everytime I go back
I face dissapointment
but hopefully, this time it would be different !


I'm looking forward to those 4 blissful days
haha
or perhaps 4 days of torture =x
either way, i'm sure i'll be happy


im sure im sure im sure
you'll make my life full of sunshine again


the past few months have been pure torture for me
but its okay
because after every storm, there is a rainbow =D


now that exams are over
there is nothing standing between me and happyness


yay, I cant wait to be happy again
haha
I sound like such a loser
but yes
who doesnt look foward to being happy ?


meeting maymay tomorrow
should be fun =")

oh yes look at this last pic that i found

ahaha its so cute la

The start of something new

which grew out of something old =)

Though we've had our ups and downs

When I really needed someone you'd always be there

over the past 11 months

we managed to get through all the obstacles

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I love
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

so its true you have found someone eles?
im happy for you
no actually im not
its fair enough that the other guy found a girl, he wasnt genuinely interested in me anyway
but you
you are someone I actually care about
someone I actually had a proper relationship with

and also I can safely say..
I realise, the only person whos motive of being with me WASNT just because you wanted to sleep with me

sigh.. I realise good guys are hard to fine

but I see, youve found another girl,
youve found happyness faster then me
yes this is not a game
but if it was
then i've lost

I know I should be happy but Im not
I cant stand the fact that perhaps that girl is better then me
I cant stand the fact that there is someone more important to you then ME

I know im a selfish, self centered bitch

but I have to admit it

I still want you to love care about me me..

whats the point of writing this.. when you dont even come to read anymore..

However much of an ass hole you may be,
I wish you all the happyness in the world
I know you havent exactly had a fairytale life
perhaps now you have found the angel that will light up your life
I wish I had never came into your life
because once I did I never wanted to leave
what a shame it wasnt where I belonged..

unless fate allows it
let us never ever meet again
and let me never ever be reminded of you ...

this memory will fade fade fade
along with all the others

Thou Shalt Listen to Nicole

haha before I start just wanna say
Zhe is so sweet la
he called me yesterday just to see me and hear my voice before he leave for brunei
I gonna miss him sooo much
but I'll see him soon =DD
so its all good

Yes finally Last History Assignment
OVER

and I did a damm good job on it
have been working hard for the past week
I had fun doing the presentation today

I WAS A DICTATOR AND GOT TO TAKE OVER THE JUNIOR CLASS =D
it was awsome
everyone thought it was reall fun and loved it
my ice queen teacher laughed too >,<
slam the ruler of a few tables
threw a few kids out of the class
it was awsome =D

I think i'm either a really good actress,
or I was born to be an evil dictator

Im Nicole Tan and I'm the Sexiest Dictator You'll Ever Meet
Damm Right You Are Gonna Listen To Every Word I say

teeehees

4 weeks to exams!
omfg I really need to buck up!
I'll do my best best best
I'll try

and then its partayyy all the wayyy ~c

tonight have to go back to school at eight
can you believe that??
so i'll only get home at like 10.30
and i wanna cry

cause im lacking in sleep
Yawnssss

alrights off to study for abit and prepare for tonight!

sighs

some things will never change
some people like me, will never learn their lesson
some things will never be forgotten
some things just cant be forgiven
some defeats cannot be accepted so easily
some things will keep coming back to haunt you
some things just cannot be escaped or avoided

I guess you just never know
and i'll just never learn

To anyone who has been having "boy-related" problems

I've just been conforting my besti =)
and suddenly remembered something an old friend told me

EVEN WHEN YOUR HEART IS BROKEN, IT KEEPS BEATING, THUS, LIFE GOES ON
Quote from Marcus Ng Kwang Mao
who is now a happy hubby and father to his percious daughter Shanice
and soon to be a father of 2 =)

There is PLENTY of things to live for
PLENTY to be happy about
dont base your happyness on just one person
just get on with life
to have a boyfriend is a bonus
but if all fails
you wont die without one

theres plenty of other guys around
you dont even need to have a relationship with one
just go and have some fun, make new friends
most importantly put yourself first
never go to bed angry or sad
its pointless
go to bed telling yourself
" Tomorrow will be a better day "

that is pretyy much how i have been surviving and living everyday with a smile on my face
Laugh more! its good!
Dont cry! it gives you puffy eyes!

Its not the end of the world
and theres ppl far worst of then any of us are
still, life goes on
what can we do?
if we cant change it
might as well make the best of it

Just smile and there nothing that you cant get through
be strong girls!

Those little things..

im just gonna blog quickly before i return to my studying
i guess i wont be sleeping tonight
i cant sleep anyway, so it doesnt matter..

im just gonna study my chem =)
its worth it, i got 78% on my recent chem test =DD
and its an A!! whooooop

i cant concentrate.. images just keep flashing..
songs keep playing..
and i cant help thinking...

I remember looking at my phone yesterday before i went to bed
thinking, if it doesnt ring tonight..
then it wont ring anymore =)
and it didnt ring.. so i guess..

and in those hours i sit there letting my thoughts run
while i chat to Nik
listening to " your love is just a lie" by simple plan
maybe everything is retribution?
I've been to reckless..
made too many mistakes
im not a good person
listening to that song, i thought of all the ppl's ive let down in my life
and then i thought of all the people that have let me down

maybe im just too naive
maybe i search too hard for perfection

after the sad feeling wear offs..
comes the anger

i think to myself

there comes a point where you have to make choices and sacrifices
i was willing to give up anything and everything,
because i thought, it was worth it!
what i got in return was far more important
i got rid of everything that i was, everything i wanted to become
all for the glimps of hope that i no longer have to suffer playing this game of "love"

and then there comes another point
where you ask youself
Is it worth it?
Is is appreciated?
Is it even reconised?
I dont see the point anymore!
I hated to answer that question
because i knew the answer clearly..

please tell me that its worth it
because i dont know anymore
tell me that i'll make it through
because i cant take it anymore

All of a sudden

i feel very lonely
recently a few of my friends have been telling me about their "love problems"
the more i listen the more i feel very..
i dunno how to describe la
i also dunno why im feeling this way

First friend
is still deeply in love with that girl
ever since the day i met him till today
he is still not over that girl
and i dont understand,
why she wouldent give this ( in my eyes to be ) perfect guy
who never got his mind off her,
a chance

and him, who obviously has a line of girls Q-ing up for him
still cant get his mind of her
and with an appearance to be so strong
whenever he talks/ thinks of her, he becomes so soft

i guess her b'day just passed
and i wonder how things turn out
hopefully my friend, you would have you happy ending =)

Second friend
has a girlfriend who doesnt understand the meaning of "personal space"
i dont get it
they both love each other
but cant come to a compromise

he waited so long and finally found a girlfriend
and now he misses his freedom
just a little bit of personaly space
but she denys him of it
i guess no one can really win

but i hope she would be more understanding
and i know he loves him
so she shouldent use "breaking up" as a threat
trust me, you'll regrette ever saying those 2 words
i promise you

As for my third friend
i shant say it here
its our secret
i hope he would get that girl
and i hope that girl would stop playing games
and stop putting him through this agony

why cant love be plain simple and sweet
because life just isnt that easy..

anyway just for the haters, 50 ppl think im hot, so far =x

both girls and guys so.. HA.. suck shit =x

i just ordered bulk
SWAROSKI CRYSTALS
hope it comes soon
then i can spend my free time pimping my stuff

argh i just feel so down all of a sudden
why why why
and it pisses me off that i dont know why im feeling this way
or what im feeling at all

i suppose these few sentence are being repeated in my head
out of sight, out of mind
if you dont remind me, i would forget

what it really means, i dunno
i guess im trying to warn myself of something
i just dunno what..
sighs..

happy mothers day =)

over and out ~

Happy one month to me and baby =D

we've been together for only one month
but it feels like i've been in love with him for years =x

we met on the 8th of Feb, playing blackjack ^^
so i've known him for..er.. 3 months already!
lmao.. so short ?
thinking about the first day we met and today
i can't believe how fast everything went
and how far we are now from then
=DD

All i know is..
I love him!
unconditionally
though we have had our ups and downs
and certaintly been through alot to be together =x
I'm still glad he's mine now.. teehees

and i know the year to come wont be easy
in fact it will be very hard
but im really trying very hard
to make evrything work out
and i know in the end
it will all be worth it =D